


Promise

by impalaimagining



Category: Supernatural, Supernatural RPF
Genre: J2 fanfic, J2 fanfiction, Jared Padalecki - Freeform, Jared Padalecki fanfic, Jared Padalecki fanfiction, Jensen Ackles - Freeform, Jensen Ackles fanfic, Jensen Ackles fanfiction, SPN RPF - Freeform, Supernatural RPF - Freeform, j2 friendship - Freeform, spn fanfic, spn fanfiction, supernatural fanfic - Freeform, supernatural fanfiction - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-11-29
Updated: 2018-11-28
Packaged: 2019-09-02 02:08:49
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,996
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16777522
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/impalaimagining/pseuds/impalaimagining
Summary: Warnings: general mental health issues, mention of past depression and anxiety, minor anxiety attack*Dialogue in italics signals a text message.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Warnings: general mental health issues, mention of past depression and anxiety, minor anxiety attack
> 
> *Dialogue in italics signals a text message.

3am. Jared should’ve been fast asleep, but he wasn’t. He was laying in bed, staring at the ceiling of his apartment bedroom in Vancouver, mind scrambling with thoughts - thoughts he couldn’t put together. He just needed to talk to someone, anyone.

Jensen.

Jared grabbed his phone from his nightstand and rolled onto his side, typing out a message to his best friend and costar.

_“You got a minute?”_

That was the question that started it all. Jensen answered, despite the hour, and they talked until the sun came up. Jensen offered to come to Jared’s apartment, but Jared refused. 

“ _I’m fine, and you don’t need to see me like this,_ ” he said.

Jensen sighed, but accepted Jared’s answer. Over and over again, Jensen asked Jared, “ _Are you okay?_ ” Jared’s answer was a constant, “ _Yeah_ ,” until an idea sparked in Jensen’s head. 

_“Promise me.”_ Jensen sent the two simple words.

“ _Promise you what, J?_ ” Jared’s brow wrinkled as he sent his own message.

“ _Promise me that you’re really, truly okay._ ” 

Jared sighed and leaned his head back against his pillow. He couldn’t promise that. He couldn’t lie to Jensen.

“ _I’m fine._ ” Jared thought he’d gotten around the question; he was wrong.

“ _That’s not what I said, Jare. Promise me that you’re okay. Promise._ ” Jensen urged, knowing something was going on. 

Why else would Jared have texted him at 3am?

“ _I can’t. I can’t make you that promise because I don’t know if I am_.” Jared’s words hurt him to type, but they hurt Jensen even more to read.

“Damn it.” Jensen huffed and sat up in bed, pulling a shirt on and slipping into a pair of shoes sitting by the door.

He made his way to Jared’s house, walking right in after unlocking the door with the extra key Jared had given him. 

“Jared?” Jensen walked through the hallway, then pushed Jared’s bedroom door open slowly, seeing Jared laying with his back to the door, phone wrapped in his hand and clutched against his chest. “Move over buddy.” Jensen pushed Jared’s feet aside and sat at the foot of the bed. “Talk to me.” 

Jared shook his head, unable to speak actual words. His breathing was fast, and he could hear his heart beating behind his ear drums.

“Come on. I’m here, man. I’m not going anywhere.” Jensen patted Jared’s calf lightly.

“I don’t know, Jay. I can’t sleep. Every time I close my eyes it’s like I’m reliving all the hell I went through. It’s like it’s all _there_ again.” Jared’s voice was shaky.

“Hey, hey. It’s alright. You’re not there anymore, Jared. You’re here. You’re right here. You survived all of that shit, okay? You _conquered_ it.” Jensen smiled, remembering Jared’s words to a fan at one of their conventions.

“I conquered it.” Jared repeated, nodding slightly, feeling his breaths slow down just enough to make his lightheadedness disappear.

“You got this, buddy. I’m gonna hit the guest room. But I need you to do something for me first.” Jensen stood, but put his hand on Jared’s shoulder.

“Anything.” Jared rolled and sat up on the edge of the bed, looking up at Jensen.

“Promise me you’re okay. And promise me, Jared, that we’ll talk again tomorrow. I need to know you’re going to be here tomorrow.” Jensen’s hand didn’t leave Jared’s shoulder, but rather he squeezed it, letting Jared know he was there, that he always would be. 

“I… I promise.” Jared’s eyes fell closed as he sighed.

“Thank you.” Jensen pulled him up and into a hug.

That was the first of many nights. They’d stay up talking about anything and everything, leaving no stone left unturned. Jensen asked Jared about his tells - how he could know, when they were in public, that something was going on with Jared. Jared told him, and then he told him how he could help. All Jensen had to do was put a hand on Jared’s head or shoulders. That’s how Jared would ground himself again, bring himself back to reality, out of his mind, so that’s what Jensen did.

Every night ended the same way. Jensen made Jared promise him that there would be another day. And Jared always kept his promise. There was always another day, but another day always meant another night. 

Most of Jared’s nights were sleepless, or at the very least, restless. His phone was his lifeline on those nights, a never-ending stream of messages between him and Jensen the only thing keeping him going. When Jared finally did fall asleep, it was with the promise of waking up again the next morning, if only to tell his best friend that he was alright.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warnings: anxiety attack, mental health issues
> 
> *Italicized text is lyrics/text messages

“Buddy, you okay?” Jensen pulled his mic away from his mouth and clapped his hand onto Jared’s shoulder. Jared’s eyes were wide, then clenched shut as he shook his head, hand gripping the microphone tight until his knuckles turned white. Jensen set his mic down on the chair and snatched Jared’s water bottle, pushing it into his hand. Grabbing his microphone again, he hurriedly told the crowd, “We’ll be back in a few, sorry guys,” and rushed Jared backstage. 

“Everything okay?” One of the ImAlive volunteers darted to Jared and Jensen, and Jared again shook his head. 

“I’m not really sure what happened. I kinda zoned out while he was answering that last question, and then when I looked at him, I could tell what was coming.” Jensen’s hand didn’t leave Jared’s shoulder. 

“It was too much.” Jared whispered, his voice broken. 

“What was too much?” Jensen crouched down in front of Jared where he was sitting, making sure there was direct eye contact. 

“The question. The fans. They expect me to be so damn strong all the time, and… I can’t. I can’t be their support, I can’t be their outlet, I can’t-” Jared blurted.

“You don’t have to be any of that.” Jensen stood and patted Jared’s back between his shoulder blades. “Drink some water and see if you can get your breathing back to normal, yeah?” He squeezed Jared’s shoulder as Jared nodded. Jensen patted Jared on the back of the head, and Jared gave him a little smile.

Within a few minutes, Jared was slightly calmer, and ready and willing to hit the stage again. The pair walked out during some bantering between Rob and Rich who had stepped in to clear the air and fill the awkward break.

“Sorry about that guys!” Jensen smiled and gave a little wave, then they both blew kisses to the audience. “You have to understand, I can tell as soon as something is up with the big guy.” Jensen winked at Jared. “And something was up. Admittedly, I wasn’t exactly _present_ for his answer to your question, and I’m sorry for that, but there’s something else you all have to realize.” 

“Don’t.” Jared whispered, wide-eyed and head shaking quickly. 

“This is one of my best friends in the world.” Jensen grabbed Jared’s shoulder once more as Jared nodded in agreement, then reached back and gave a loving pat to Jensen’s upper arm. “And this fandom - this family - that we’ve all built together, it’s a great thing, and it’s something that no one else can say they have - this relationship between you guys and us. Your stories are important, your battles are important, and the way you find the strength to always keep fighting-” he air-quoted, earning a smile from Jared “- _that_ is beyond important. But it’s equally important to remember that Jared has overcome some of that same stuff, and is still working every day to fight through it. We want to hear your stories, really, we do, and I wish we could sit down with each one of you and listen to you tell us about how much you’ve been through and admire the fact that you’re still here. We can’t, and you need to remember that in this setting - this isn’t the place to tell us.”

“Jen.” Jared put his hand on Jensen’s arm and shook his head. “I got it.” Jensen gave a skeptical look, but let Jared continue talking to the fans. “We _love_ y’all so much, and what you’ve given us - the support you’ve given _me -_ over the last few years has been absolutely incredible, but… there are hard days for all of us. Today was a particularly hard day for me, so answering that question kind of tipped the scale and sent me spiraling. I do apologize for that, and I’m sure I could’ve handled it better-” 

“You don’t _need_ to handle it better, Jare. You did what you needed to do, and that was step away.” Jensen spoke away from the microphone, but Jared waved his hand, motioning for Jensen to let him keep going.

“I could’ve handled it better, and I didn’t, and I’m sorry. But Jensen? Jensen has been… my saving grace. Jensen has been there for me every time I’ve needed him since we met all those years ago.” Jared turned away from the fan at the microphone in the crowd and looked at Jensen. “I’m okay, and Jay?” 

“Yeah?” Jensen sighed.

“I promise.” Jared smacked his palm against the side of Jensen’s head and gave a sharp nod. As Jensen cleared his throat and ran his hand down his face, wiping away tears nobody but Jared had seen, Rob walked to Jensen’s other side and whispered something in his ear.

“Yeah, I think now’s a good time.” Jensen nodded and moved his stool, stepping up to a microphone stand and adjusting it. “We’re gonna try something a little new here. An appropriate song, given the basis of our show, and the friendship between me and this one.” He pointed across the stage at Jared, who stayed seated, a confused expression crossing his face. The band started playing, Rob and a few others started clapping and “ooh”-ing as Jensen readied himself to take the lead vocals.

 _“Ramblers in the wilderness_  
We can’t find what we need  
Get a little restless from the searchin’  
Get a little worn down in between

 _Like a bull chasin’ the matador_  
Is a man left to his own schemes  
Everybody needs someone beside ‘em  
Shinin’ like a lighthouse from the sea  


 _Brother let me be your shelter_  
Never leave you all alone  
I can be the one you call  
When you’re low  
Brother let me be your fortress  
When the night winds are drivin’ on  
Be the one to light the way  
Bring you home”

Jensen’s head turned to look at Jared, then tapped his chest over his heart. Jared had disappeared backstage after the first verse. He knew the song, he and Jensen had started calling it their “anthem” after the first time he’d made Jensen listen to it. Jensen made plans with Rob and the rest of the band to play it at a convention in the future, but they didn’t decide on which one until minutes before they started playing. Jensen stumbled over a few of the words, not having practiced a whole lot, but it didn’t matter. He was singing for Jared, and he knew his best friend wouldn’t judge him. Jared might tease him and poke fun at his mumbling into the microphone, but it was all in good fun. 

Jensen continued to sing Brother at conventions to follow, his eyes always searching for Jared, sometimes pointing to him, and never failing to tap the left side of his chest. Other songs came and went, but Brother was it, Brother was the song that fit Jared and Jensen and all they’d been through to a tee. One night, while Jared was sitting in his trailer strumming his guitar, he decided to look up the tabs for the song. As his fingers picked at the strings, he smiled and grabbed his phone, typing out a message to Jensen.

_“Everybody needs someone beside them shining like a lighthouse from the sea. Thanks for being my lighthouse, brother.”_


End file.
